i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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