Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
