The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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