ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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