The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
