Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
