he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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