Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
