thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
