you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
