Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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