How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
