You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize