My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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