saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
