I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
