Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who died my cat blue again?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
