wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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