Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize