peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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