I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
