Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize