I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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