I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
