And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
