I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
