Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
