Define "chronic" masturbator.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
