No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
