somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
