I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
