Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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