I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
