I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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