And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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