My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
