How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize