lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
