What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize