so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
