Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
