Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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