I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Everyone says I win the strip club
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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