I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
