did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
