I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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