were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
