I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
