My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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