I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am spending my child support on dildos
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize