I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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