i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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