My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize