I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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