She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
