Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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