My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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