we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
