i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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