Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why do cheetos always look like penises
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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