Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
