idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
