He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
