i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
