I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
