so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
