was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
