I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize