so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
