I met the friendliest cop last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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