Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize