So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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