I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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