I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
