woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
