I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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