party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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