I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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