forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
