Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
