i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
