my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
