why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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