i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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