Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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