P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
