how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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