I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
