I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
