you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
