Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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