I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize