Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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