Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
