he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
