just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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