i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
