When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
