Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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