He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
