Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's blow job season.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
