Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
