"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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