yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
