It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
