help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize