She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
