hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
