obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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